
We all feel lost at times.
I have written here about “getting lost” literally and about “feeling lost” in a figurative sense. I have also written about things being lost – ships, cities and lost worlds, lost days, and even a lost generation,
These posts have been quite popular and that makes me think that the general topic is of interest. I also think people find the articles because they believe, as I do, that getting lost is sometimes the path to getting found literally and in other senses.
Is “finding your way” or getting “back on the path” a literal or figurative process? Both.
I think everyone should learn how to navigate on a hike and avoid getting lost. I don’t mean using GPS. I mean using a map, compass, and landmarks. I have gone into the woods and semi-seriously tried to get lost so that I would have to find my way out. I have read books and even taken a class about finding your way in the woods. I have also gone into the woods in those times when I felt lost in the psychological sense.
My 2009 post called “Getting Lost” is about actually getting lost – in my case it was in the woods – and it is also about a friend getting lost in life. I said that it was sometimes good to get lost.
I followed up on that post the next summer and I had not been literally lost in those nine months. Part of that was because when I had a GPS, so if I am lost, I don’t feel lost because the GPS voice calmly tells me the next turn and knows ultimately that we will get there.
I went back to the book You Are Here: Why We Can Find Our Way to the Moon, but Get Lost in the Mall which partially inspired the original post. The first half of that book is about how our brains experience physical space. It looks at human and animal research into how we get a sense of where we are.
I had mentioned homing pigeons in the post. I didn’t mention that someone did some research where they strapped magnets on them to deliberately throw off their inner compass. It worked by messing up the young homing pigeons – but not the older ones. What should we conclude?
The simple advice always given to remember when you are lost is STOP. We tend to panic, head off in the wrong direction, forget where we came from and many other basic mistakes.
But what I want to come back to today is that other sense of being lost. The feeling lost in your life type of lost.
That 2009 post was about my friend Bill who was forced into retiring and was very lost. He did what too many lost people do. He panicked big time. Headed off in all directions and then ended up sitting on a tree stump crying. He lost his job and with it the direction that his life had comfortably followed for 38 years. He started to reconsider a lot of his life choices – college, job (versus “career”), and maybe some other things he didn’t want to talk about in a diner booth with his wife and my wife sitting there.
Ironically, that night we had gone to the movies together to see Up in the Air. Bill’s wife likes George Clooney. I was reading the book
that the film is based on, but somehow it didn’t register with me that the book, film and Bill’s story were all connected. The book/film is about a guy whose job is to fire people. He’s hired by bosses who don’t have the nerve to do their layoffs themselves. Of course, the story hit home with Bill.
My advice to Bill had been that basic lost-in-the woods advice – stop. He thought that after a few weeks, he should have figured out “the right direction” to go, but he was still lost.
I thought he needed to be lost for a while. Sit on that tree stump, look around the place, take stock of his supplies, and even cry a little. When he had an idea of the right direction, he could start walking slowly that way and take careful note of where he had been sitting.
Bill’s story has a nice ending. Or maybe it’s a next chapter. He told me that next summer that he “has never been happier.” He went through all his finances with an advisor, got everything in order and realized he was in pretty good financial shape. A handyman who never had time for projects, he got busy building, repairing, and renovating. He lost 20 pounds was shooting to get back to his college weight. His wife is retired that year. They were planning trips. They were taking care of their two grandchildren a few days a week.
I like how my GPS can tell me “You are here.” It is very comforting. Finding some kind of GPS inside ourselves is not as easy. Maybe someone is strapping magnets on us to mess up the readings. But I identify with those older homing pigeons. I think if we sit down a bit and actually give some time to trying to figure out where we are, we are going to find the direction.