Valentines

Ah yes, Valentine’s Day. A day to express affection for loved ones with greetings and gifts. It has been around for a long time but its origin remains a bit of a mystery.

Does it date back to Lupercalia, a Roman festival to ward off evil spirits and infertility? That holiday was banned in the fifth century. Valentinus (from the Latin “valens”, meaning to be in good health) was a common name in ancient Roman times.

The origin I hear most often is that it comes from a priest named Valentine who was martyred circa 270 CE by emperor Claudius II. According to legend, the priest signed a letter “from your Valentine” to his jailer’s daughter who he had fallen in love with during his captivity.

There is also Saint Valentine of Terni, a bishop who secretly married couples to spare husbands from war. This tradition was spread by the Benedictines, the first guardians of the basilica dedicated to the saint in Terni, through their monasteries, first in Italy and then in France and England.

Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

The Sad But Romantic Origin of St. Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day, the day on which we celebrate Romantic (capital R), has a rather sad – though Romantic – origin.

The legend of Valentine is from the time of Emperor Claudius II. He was having problems getting enlistments to his struggling army, so he forbade single men to get married in order to prevent romantic ties from encouraging enlisting in the army.

An early Christian priest, Valentine, saw this as an injustice and so performed secret wedding rituals in defiance of the emperor. When Valentine was discovered, he was imprisoned and sentenced to death by beheading.

While awaiting execution, he fell in love with the daughter of a prison guard, who would visit him. On the day of his death, Valentine left a note for the young woman professing his undying devotion and he signed  it “Love, from your Valentine.”

Father Valentine was made a saint and martyred on February 14 in 269 A.D.

And so began a tradition. Approximately 145 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged, and that doesn’t include the packaged kids’ valentines for classroom exchanges. That makes Valentine’s Day the second-largest holiday for giving greetings cards after Christmas.

In addition to the United States, Valentine’s Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France Australia, Denmark, and Italy.

All Kinds of Valentines

Saint Valentine would be surprised, perhaps even angered, to find out that he has become a symbol of romantic love.

As far as we can tell, he was a priest near Rome who was executed for his Christian beliefs in the third century. A feast in his name was first held in 496. For a millennium, he was venerated, not as a saint who stood for love, but as one associated with healing the sick and crippled.

By the late Middle Ages, he was seen as the patron saint of epileptics, especially in Germany and Central Europe, where artworks from the period depict him curing children of their seizures.

It seems that it was not until 1382, when Chaucer wrote a poem describing a February Val­entine’s Day, as a time when birds and people chose their mates.

The birth of the greetings card industry fueled an America Valentine craze in the 1840s. Today, 141 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged worldwide each year. One in ten couples get engaged on February 14.

The change in St. Valentine from being a saint of Christian love into a symbol of romantic love can be discussed as the change in our attitudes towards love over the centuries.

Japan has some interesting Valentine’s Day traditions. It is observed by women who present chocolate gifts (handmade ones are better) to men.

Honmei choco (“true feeling chocolate”) has also become “obligation chocolate” as women are expected to not only gift boyfriends, prospective boyfriends, and husbands, but bosses and almost any guy who has done them some favor.

There is also a reciprocal “holiday” called White Day which is celebrated one month later on March 14th when men buy candy and gifts for women. It is also observed in South Korea and Taiwan. White Day gifts are usually more expensive –  jewelery, white chocolate, and white lingerie are popular.

Black Day (April 14) is a South Korean informal tradition when singles get together and eat jajangmyeon (white noodles with black bean sauce) and is a celebration for those who did not give or receive gifts on Valentine’s Day or White Day.

All these 14th day celebrations bring me back to Saint Valentine, who was martyred on February 14 in 269 A.D. There is an alternate origin story about him and the holiday that is more romantic.

In his time, there was a shortage of soldiers enlisting, so Emperor Claudius II forbade single men to get married in order to increase his army. Valentine’s priestly rebellion was to officiate secret weddings fo the loving couples. When this was discovered, he was imprisoned and sentenced to death.

According to legend, while he was on “death row” he fell in love with the daughter of a guard who visited him. On the day he was executed, he left a note for her professing his love and signed it “Love from your Valentine.” The original Valentine’s Day card?

If you want to turn up the heat a bit on this day, you might consider a Tantric approach to this holiday.

Tantrism appears in both Buddhism and Hinduism and influenced many religious trends and movements going back to the 5th century.

But Tantra in itself is neither a religion nor an “ism” but a fundamental spiritual science.

In the way that Valentine’s story went from religious love to romantic love, Tantrism is better known now by many Westerners in the context of Tantric sex.

It is an ancient sexual discipline inspired by Buddhist philosophy. Generally, it is a slower, more conscious and more spiritual version of lovemaking.

If Saint Valentine might be offended by his modern holiday, you would think that Buddhism in the bedroom would also be offensive.

In Introduction to Tantra : The Transformation of Desire, you learn that the practice began some 2,500 years ago and was seen as a way to transform desire into a route to enlightenment. It was associated with the early practice of yoga.

A more modern-day and physical take on the topic can be found in Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century and is full of “cosmic orgasms, chakras, firebreath and the clench and hold.”

A middle ground between physical and spiritual, is the aim of The Tantra Experience: Evolution through Love.

It seems very seductive to think that this practice would enable us to contact the ultimate truths, but today might be a good day to start down that path.

Valentine’s Day Obligations and a Parlement of Foules

Valentine’s Day, Grandparent’s Day, Sweetest Day, Mother’s Day and Fathers’ Day all fit the “Hallmark Holiday” definition of a holiday. The word “holiday” comes from the Old English word hāligdæg. The word originally referred only to special religious days. The word derived from the notion of a “Holy Day”, but has evolved (or more accurately devolved) to its current form. Valentine’s Day is the second biggest card-giving day of the year in the U.S.

It’s a bit sad that it has all turned into cards and candy and restaurants charging extra that day for the same old food. So much guilt and obligation about buying or forgetting to buy gifts.

Those ancient Romans loved festivals. They had a fertility festival in mid-February called Lupercalia. It honored Lupa, the wolf who saved Romulus and Remus, who then founded the city of Rome.

Lupercalia was a pagan festival and included sacrifices of goats and dogs. The festival was still very popular even when the Roman Empire was officially Christian. Of course, the Church wanted to replace it with something more acceptable. Something with a saint would be nice.

That early Christian priest, St. Valentine, who was martyred on February 14 in 269 A.D. actually has a good story. According to legend, due to a shortage of soldiers enlisting, Emperor Claudius II forbade single men to get married in order to increase his army. Valentine rebelled in his priestly way by performing secret wedding rituals. He was discovered, imprisoned, and sentenced to death. While awaiting his beheading in jail, he fell in love with the daughter of a guard who visited him. On the day he was executed, the priest left a note for the woman professing his love and he signed it “Love from your Valentine.”

But Chaucer often gets credit for making St. Valentine’s Day more of a secular and romantic day. When he wrote in the 14th-century his “The Parlement of Foules” he returned to that springtime idea that “on seynt Valentynes day” the goddess Nature watched all of the birds choose and seduce their mates. (“Foules being fowls or birds not “fools” – though these days the latter may be a better description for our behavior on this day.)

Chaucer wrote the poem for a patron poem to honor the marriage of Richard II to Anne of Bohemia. There are no records of St. Valentine’s Day festivities in the English court until after Chaucer’s time. he nicely blended the nature and fertility associations, especially the rural English belief that birds choose their mates on February 14th, to the courtly love conventions of the day.

This put pressure on us (mostly males, as with the birds) to choose, seduce, including with gifts.

In Japan, Valentine’s Day is observed by women who present chocolate gifts (handmade ones are considered better) to men.

Honmei choco (“true feeling chocolate”) has also become “obligation chocolate” as women are expected to not only gift boyfriends, prospective boyfriends, and husbands, but bosses and almost any guy who has done them some favor.

The Honmei chocolate is higher-quality and more expensive than giri choco (“obligation or courtesy chocolate”) which is given to male coworkers and other men to whom the woman has no romantic attachment.

Don’t get mad ladies. There is also a reciprocal “holiday” called White Day which is celebrated one month later on March 14th when men buy candy and gifts for women. This is also observed in South Korea and Taiwan.

On White Day, males who received a honmei-choco on Valentine’s Day are expected – obligated – to return the favor by giving gifts, usually more expensive. Popular White Day gifts are cookies, jewelery, white chocolate, white lingerie and marshmallows.

Would you be surprised to find that White Day is a modern holiday first celebrated in 1978, or that it was started by the National Confectionery Industry Association?

But wait – there’s also Black Day a month after White Day (April 14) which appears to be more of a South Korean informal tradition for single people.  Not being a big candy eater, I like this day when singles get together and eat jajangmyeon (white noodles with black bean sauce). It’s a day for those who did not give or receive gifts on Valentine’s Day or White Day.

So many  “Hallmark holidays” (a disparaging term that is not encouraged by the Hallmark card company) designed to sell things and make us feel guilty for being alone or not a loving as we should be. Next to New Year’s Eve, I would say that Valentine’s Day (now more often used without the Saint part) is a day that splits people between happiness and sadness.

Tantric Valentine

A classical Tantric “Yab-Yum” position on the wall of the Tantric Temples of Khajuraho

So,  Valentine’s Day is upon us again. Tired of cards, candy, overpriced dinners at overcrowded restaurants and just the effort of trying to do something that makes you seem like a good lover? I saw three mentions online recently of Tantric approaches to this make believe holiday.

Tantrism, which appears in both Buddhism and Hinduism, influenced many religious trends and movements from the 5th century ce, but some of it was meant for esoteric circles. Claiming to show in times of religious decadence a new way to the highest goal, Tantrism bases itself upon mystic speculations concerning divine creative energy and ritual means —in part magical and orgiastic— which are also supposed to achieve other supranormal goals.

Tantra in itself is neither a religion nor an ‘ism’. Tantra is a fundamental spiritual science.

Many westerners, if they have heard of it at all, have heard about tantric sex, an ancient sexual discipline inspired by Buddhist philosophy. As a general rule, tantric sex it is a much longer, slower, more conscious and more spiritual version of typical approaches to lovemaking.

Male on top attempting the difficult Tantric Yoga position (with some helpers)

Somehow, Buddhism in the bedroom sounds… wrong.  In  Introduction to Tantra : The Transformation of Desire it is explained what the spiritual foundations of tantric practice are and it addresses Buddhist theories on desire, purity and happiness. You learn that the practice began some 2,500 years ago. Tantra is both a transformation of human desire, and a direct route to enlightenment.

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century  is more on the physical sex side and for those “in search of the great cosmic orgasm.” Learn to breathe properly, identify your chakras, cultivate resistance and work on your “firebreath” and “the clench and hold.”

And if you are somewhere in between physical and spiritual, you can try the mystical via The Tantra Experience: Evolution through Love. Spiritual teacher, Osho, examines tantra’s mystical side and the how the practice helps us to feel more present in our bodies and enables us to contact ultimate truths.

It seems like a lot to expect from sex. One of my favorite tantric anecdotes came from the singer Sting. He got some abuse after saying in an interview that his tantric lovemaking could last six hours. When pressed for details in a later interview, he said that he was including dinner and a movie. That seems like a reasonable East meets West approach.